ДРУЗЬЯ, НЕ УДИВЛЯЙТЕСЬ, ЕСЛИ ВАШЕ СООБЩЕНИЕ НЕ СРАЗУ ПОПАДЁТ НА СТРАНИЦУ. Я ПРОЧТУ КАЖДОЕ И ПО ВОЗМОЖНОСТИ ОТВЕЧУ. ТАКИЕ НЕУДОБСТВА ИЗ-ЗА НЕЖЕЛАТЕЛЬНОЙ РЕКЛАМЫ.

 

     К Марии Ивановне пришли соседки и подарили на День рождения чайник со свистком. Налили воды, поставили на плиту и стали ждать, когда закипит. Кот Рыжий, тем временем, лежал на краю раковины и ловил   лапой капли воды из крана.

     Чайник засвистел пронзительно и тонко. Кота как ветром сдуло. Только кончик хвоста в окне мелькнул.

     — Убился! — закричала Марья Ивановна.

     — Как не убиться с третьего этажа! — посочувствовали соседки и  кинулись к окну.

     Смотрят, а Рыжий за ветку ближнего дерева зацепился, обхватил ее лапами, качается и орет.

     — Пожарным 01 звонить?  — спрашивает именинница.

     — 01. Только без пожара они не поедут! — говорит одна соседка. — Уж лучше в службу спасения.

     — Что ты, — возражает вторая. — За спасение они тебе такой счет  выставят,  что от испуга нас самих спасать придется, скорую вызывать.

     У Марьи Ивановны уже и слезы на глазах.  Села она на стул и задышала глубоко и часто.  Для успокоения нашли настойку валерианы. Принялась она отсчитывать капли.  Как только две отсчитает, третья на пол летит. Дальше двух счет не идет.

     — Машенька, дай-ка, мы поможем, — не выдержали гостьи, вдвоем за пузырек схватились и вовсе его на пол уронила.

     Валериановый запах окутал квартиру. И на него ту же влетел в окошко Рыжий, а следом — еще несколько котов. С безумными глазами накинулись  они на разлитую валериану  и до блестящей чистоты вылизали в кухне пол. Повалялись по нему и принялись петь так старательно, что все окна в доме закрылись.

     — Главное вовремя, — заметили соседки. — Чайник вот-вот опять закипит, сядем за стол, пирог разрежем и тоже споем!

Текст опубликован на портале «СТИХИ.РУ»

фотоколлаж автора

 

         Получилась не кормушка для птиц, а загляденье. Водрузили наше сотворенье на длиннющий шест, ещё весной врытый в землю. С высокой стремянки насыпали птичьих вкусностей и отправились на лыжную прогулку уверенные, что ни одна бродячая кошка не испортит аппетит нашим пернатым друзьям.

     Когда вернулись, осторожно раздвинули оконную занавеску, чтобы из дома понаблюдать за птичьей суетой. И увидели в кормушке дымчатого кота до того толстого и пушистого, что издали его можно было принять за облачко или тучку, из озорства заброшенную ветром.

     «Тучка» эта плавно колебалась, любовно приглаживая уши и облизывая лапы. Нас не удивила её послеобеденная чистоплотность. Не расстроило исчезновение ломтиков сала для синиц. Мы были озадачены только одним: как на этакую высоту могло забраться такое толстое создание? И как его оттуда снять?

     Кота же ничего не беспокоило. Он безо всякого интереса разглядывал нас, продолжая облизываться от удовольствия, осторожно перекатываясь на спину. По всему было видно, что сало пришлось ему по вкусу.

    Посовещавшись, мы отправились за стремянкой. Но когда её принесли, кормушка оказалась пустой.

   — Улетел?! – предположил мой шестилетний братишка.

   — Может быть, − поддержала я его. – Раз прилететь смог, почему бы и не улететь…

И только наша бабушка, Глафира Петровна, не согласилась.

    — Глупости! – сказала она. – Кошки не умеют летать. Просто нам всё померещилось!

    — А как же сало! – возразили мы.

    — И сала не было! – она залезла на стремянку и развесила в кормушке новые ломтики. – Теперь сало есть. Сало есть, а кота нет! Понаблюдаем!

     И мы принялись наблюдать с самого утра. Как только проснулись, побежали к окошку и отдёрнули занавеску. А в кормушке всё наоборот:

кот есть а сала нет. И на этот раз, как мне показалось, смотрел кот на нас с благодарной заинтересованностью.

    — Это не кот! — озадачила нас Глафира Петровна и тут же уточнила: — Не кот, а стихийное бедствие. И если мы от него не избавимся, по весне и птиц-то не услышим. Пора к Михеичу идти.

     Мы отправились к нашему соседу, деду восьмидесяти восьми лет. Михеич нас внимательно выслушал, приложив к уху деревянную трубочку вместо слухового аппарата. Потом взял тонкий лист металла и обмотал им шест, к которому кормушка прилажена. Шест стал гладким и скользким.

   — Стихийные бедствия закончились! – пообещал он и отправился к нам чаёвничать.

    Но не успели мы разлить по чашкам чай, как опять в кормушке увидели всё того же котищу. Он объел свежие кусочки сала и пристально вглядывался в нас, видимо ожидая новой порции.

    — А всё-таки коты летают! – почему-то обрадовался мой братишка.

    — Это похуже стихийного бедствия, − почесал затылок Михеич. – Придётся, Глафира Петровна, вторую кормушку делать – для кота. Этот прохиндей через дорогу живёт. Его и там кормят. А кличут Тишкой.

       Мы тут же переиначили Тишку в Тишарика из-за его упитанной округлости. Вынесли Тишарику блюдце с едой. И пока он уплетал подношение, птицы успели поклевать из кормушки.

Видео и фото автора

 

   Мы достраивали дом. Под самым коньком крыши сооружала гнездо и пара ласточек. Всё у них по-семейному ладилось.

     Когда мы добрались до крыши, их стройка заканчивалась.

     − Сбивай! −крикнул кто-то во след улетающим птицам.

     Все принялись сбивать недостроенное гнездо. Оказалось, не так-то просто: крохотные стенки были крепки́, а руками мы не могли дотянуться.

     Возвращались ласточки под рев шестилетнего Василька. Мальчик лил слёзы над погибшим птичьим «домиком». Но птицы, словно ничего не случилось, начали строить заново. Гнездо почти восстановили. Василёк перестал плакать. И мы − снова разрушили, лишь только птицы улетели.

     Тут уж Василёк разбушевался ни на шутку. Он не только размазывал слёзы и пускал пузыри. Он взял палочку в свою маленькую ручку и в отместку за ласточек стал колотить ею по нашему дому. Мы объяснили малышу, что в готовом гнезде ласточки начнут высиживать птенцов. И нам не удастся достроить свой дом. Услышав про птенцов, Василёк впал в такое отчаянье, что с горя быстро уснул.

       С наступившей тишиной объявились и ласточки. Не обнаружив гнезда и на этот раз, они загалдели, «заспорили» так, что казалось вот-вот перья полетят… Потом вдруг улетели, а вернулись уже втроём.  Третьим оказался «консультант». Он внёс умиротворение в семейный раздор, внимательно наблюдая и что-то «подсказывая» приятелям…

   Решив, что работа налажена, троица улетела. Мы в третий раз сбили гнездо. До конька оставалось совсем немного. Если бы успеть до возвращения птиц и уйти незаметно, чтобы не мешать им больше… Не успели!

   Прилетевшая пара сторожко уселись невдалеке, нацелив на нас внимательные глаза-бусины. Теперь-то они поняли кто был виновником бед.

   Мы закончили работу и ушли.  А ласточки ещё долго сидели неподвижно, словно оцепенев от невероятного открытия. Потом улетели и больше не вернулись.

                    опубликовано на портале «СТИХИ.РУ»

В фотомонтаже использованы фотографии Олега Леоньева

   Глафира Петровна с надеждой и умилением смотрела на мастера, на его приветливую улыбку, на широкие плечи. А услышав необычное имя Добрыня только доверчиво вздохнула.

   − На выбор два пути, − начал объяснять Добрыня мягко и задушевно. − Купить новый холодильник, или поменять мотор, что в два раза дешевое.
    — Да уж каким путём поведет. На вас и уповаю! − сразу согласилась старушка.

   Польщенный Добрыня, тут же прио́бнял xолодильник, слегка наклонил, покрутил, заменил… И всё заработало, затарахтело хорошо и приятно. В коридоре отозвалось таким же ровным звучанием. И кот, влетевший в кухню, принялся обтекать плюшевым боком и холодильник, и мастера, и Глафиру Петровну. 

    Овеянный этой плюшевой нежностью, Добрыня переоделся в белоснежную футболку с двойной надписью «I love you» и исчез. До двери кухни холодильник проводил его ровным здоровым тарахтением.

    И тарахтел так две недели. Потом отключился, испортив все доверенные ему продукты.

     − Уж и без присмотра не оставить, − жаловалась на него старушка, вернувшись с дачи и нервно втыкая холодильниковую вилку в розетку. Но холодильник молчал. А кот ничего не слышал, лишь подергивал во сне ухом. Ему снились дачные погони и кошачьи бои. Глафире Петровне ничего не оставалось, как пожаловаться Добрыне.

        − На выбор два пути, − завёл тот прямо с порога. −  Получить назад деньги за мотор или доплатить за… Тут он ввернул какое-то загогулистое слово, которое Глафире Петровне при самом тщательном старании повторить бы не удалось. Но было очевидно, что загогулина эта стоит в четыре раз дешевле, чем половина холодильника.
     Старушка вздохнула и уж хотела ответить «На вас уповаем». Но не ответила.
   И мастер, удивлённый такой нерешительностью, собрался было уйти, бросив на прощанье: «Вы подумайте, и позвони́те!».
   Но хозяйка неожиданно рассердилась:
   — Не до дум уж тут! Чай не в думе. На улице жара — в магазины не набегаешься. Денег на новый холодильник нет. А на загогулину эту которая в пять раз дешевле нового…
   — В четыре, — поправил Добрыня.
   — Приятней было бы в пять, — вступила в спор хозяйка.
    И по её решительному виду мастер понял, что спор будет нешуточным. А Глафира Петровна воспользовалась его замешательством, тут же вооружилась банками маринованных огурцов и морковок. Она забаррикадировалась джемами и вареньями. Не скупясь, откупоривала на пробу вкуснейшие салаты вперемежку с пастилками и мармеладами…
   И дачные дары были приняты. А холодильник заработал. Он работал и радовал ровно три недели.

   Но в ночь с воскресенья на понедельник четвёртой в кухне послышались выстрелы. Вначале негромкие и редкие. А потом залпы. И, спавший рядом с холодильником кот не хуже пушечного ядра, взлетел в воздух и приземлился в пустое мусорное ведро.
   — Какой сегодня праздник! — бормотала сонная старушка, входя в кухню. —  Не уж-то и День пенсионера теперь фейерверками встречают!
   И тут холодильник снова как бабахнет! Глафира Петровна ойкнула, потом сказала «батюшки» и, перекрестясь, опустилась на стул. Так она сидела, привыкая к разнузданным повадкам отремонтированной техники, а в коротких затишьях прислушиваясь к осторожному шуршанию в помойном ведре. «Не уж-то мыши?!» − насторожилась Глафира Петровна. Она осторожно приблизилась и достала из ведра кота, который тут же вырвался и припустил по коридору − подальше от кухни.

   С тех пор Василий не подходил к холодильнику.
   — А ведь были не разлей водой! — сокрушалась старушка, рассказывая о мастере и убытках, связанных с ремонтом. Она всем рассказывает об этом до сих пор, хоть и прошло уже несколько лет и в кухне стоит новый холодильник.

 

                  Ирина Пермячка

Опубликовано на портале «стихи.ру» Фото автора

Бежал впереди, разрезая воздух белыми кончиками длинных ушей. В густых сумерках по этим, летящим над землёй кончикам только и можно было его заметить. Да ещё по мельканью таких же белых длинных лап. У калитки он садился, аккуратно соединив передние лапы в третью позицию. Если ему больше ничего не выносили, сосредоточенно бежал назад.

   Для него у меня всегда было что-нибудь в кармане. Если его не оказывалось на привычном месте, звала негромким «кис-кис». Он тут же откуда-то выскакивал, словно чёртик из табакерки, взъерошенный, неухоженный…

   Но однажды я увидела на нём яркий красивый ошейник. Аккуратный и чистый кот прогуливался в компании мелкой кривоногой собачонки. Позади этой парочки шла хозяйка. От неё-то я и узнала, что беспризорник нравится не только мне. Однако в дом брать его никто не спешит из-за собственных котов.

   − Видите, как хозяина ищет, − кивнула рассказчица на кота, тёршегося о мои ноги так, словно собирался отполировать их до блеска. При этом он звонко мурлыкал, заглушая кузнечиков и лягушек. Обнаружив в мисочке корм, жадно набросился…

   И тут-то из длительного кошачьего загула вернулся наш Василий. Обнаружив на своей территории чужака, он лишь секунду ошалело таращил глаза, в сомнении «не сон ли это?»  Потом с таким натиском бросился на врага, что тому ничего не оставалось, как догонять свою кривоногую подружку.

   А Василий, утомлённый смертельными боями

(по весне у котов всегда такие), забылся глубоким сном и не заметил, как ночью через форточку проник мой знакомый беспризорник в ярком ошейнике. Он прокрался на второй этаж, улёгся на кровати возле моего уха и принялся что-то тихонько намурлыкивать. Сон в эту ночь был нежным и лёгким словно пух.

  Проснувшись, я обнаружила рядом два зеленых насторожённых глаза, пушистую длинноусую мордочку и поняла, что беспризорник всё-таки нашёл хозяйку.  

                                                                             КОТОВРАЩЕНИЕ

      Жизнь Василия наполнилась тревогой. Спал он теперь возле своих мисочек, насторожённо бродил из угла в угол и для лучшего обзора выбирал самые высокие ступени лестницы. Но незаконный поселенец всё же проникал на второй этаж и успевал что-то съесть из загадочной плошки. Для Василия плошка всегда была пуста. А поспей он к ней чуть-чуть раньше, и можно было бы урчать от удовольствия над аппетитными кусочками. Но это «чуть-чуть» всегда оставалось непреодолимой преградой…

   − Два кота в доме – это слишком! – сказал кто-то. Его поддержали:

   − Под уличным навесом устроим для нового тёплый домик.

   − Новый будет Кешей! – заявил маленький Тёма. И разговоры прекратились.

   Все вспомнили очаровательного волнистого попугайчика с таким же именем. Попугайчик любил мелко перебирать лапками по моему плечу. Говорил: «Здравствуйте!» И не забывал здороваться по сто раз на дню. Очарование его казалось бесконечным, если бы не две отвратительные привычки: обдирать обои до глубоких дыр в стене и щипать за хвост безответную старую собаку. Один лишь раз собака открыла свою огромную пасть. И этого было достаточно, чтобы Кеша навсегда исчез в ней. Всем вспомнилась эта пасть, и судьбу нового Кеши решили пустить на самотёк.

   Новоявленный всё чаще проникал на второй этаж, округляясь и крепчая с каждой порцией корма. А внизу он, не стесняясь подъедал и Васины кусочки, если того не оказывалось близко.

   У бабушки зарябило в глазах от мелькания чёрно-белых котов. Оба они были таковы. И оба по очереди запрыгивали в форточку так, что старушке это показалось кошачьим нашествием. Но боясь кого-нибудь обидеть, она всё кормила и кормила эту «ораву», пока в форточке не появилось что-то рыже-полосатое.  Оно в нерешительности уселось напротив, ожидая поддержки от Кеши. И тот, широкая натура, видимо внушил приятелю, что здесь дают много и безвозмездно.

   − Ну и котовращение! – удивилась старушка и тут же это котовращение прекратила, прогнав соседского кота.

   И что вы думаете, Кеша её поддержал. Не только соседский, но и все окрестные коты вдруг стали для него врагами. Да и с Василием он стал делить территорию, которую посчитал своей.

  КОНЕЦ ИСТОРИИ

   − Очень уж драчливый! – пожаловалась я ветеринару на незаконного поселенца.

   − Неплохо! – услышала в ответ. И кот стойко выдержал прививку. До розовой чистоты ему обиходили уши и выдали паспорт – узаконили! Всё это время тот безропотно глядел на врача, словно мышь на удава. А, вернувшись домой, бродил всюду за нами, как собачка на привязи. Вот что значит паспорт!

   Даже Василий понял: этот назойливый – явление постоянное. И стареющий кот с ещё большим тщанием стал отслеживать обитаемые Кешей места. Следил неустанно, но вскоре впал в состояние брезгливого отчаянья. Всё реже приходил домой. Для отдыха оставил лишь подоконник, не интересовавший Кешу. Короткую дрёму он прерывал походами к миске.

   И однажды возле его законной миски напал разъярённый пушистый наглец. Теперь откормленный и ухоженный набросился он со всей юношеской наглостью. Василий растерялся на секунду. И Кешины клыки вонзились в зазевавшегося. А когти замелькали с такой скоростью, что подцепить его за шкирку не было никакой возможности!

   Пожилой кот был бы изувечен, но спасла мухобойка, сорвавшаяся со стены.

Она угодила точно в макушку обнаглевшего юнца. Он позорно бежал – выскочил через форточку.

   − Стареет наш Василий! – сокрушалась бабушка. – А этот троглодит отъелся… Чтоб ему!..

   Она не успела договорить, как по лестнице вверх промелькнуло пятнистое и кроваво-красное. Оно забилось в недосягаемый угол. Только к утру удалось найти Кешу.

   − Машиной сбило! – заверил врач. − Челюсть сломана, одного глаза нет. Попробуем остановить кровотечение. У кошек, говорят, девять жизней…

   Эта у Кеши оказалась последней. Ночь он провёл рядом на кровати, положив свою истерзанную мордочку в мою ладонь и благодарно мурлыча. Я не спала, боясь пошевелиться. К утру на ладони осталось обессиленное мёртвое тельце…

   А Василий, залечив царапины и укусы, снова вольно ходит по своей территории и оберегает её от чужих котов.

Ирина Пермячка

ПРО ПАУЧКА КУЗЮ

     Всю ночь паук плёл паутину. Днём её рвал ветер. Но с завидным упрямством паук сплетал новую, больше прежней.  Однажды утром над нашим забором повисло тончайшее кружево величиной с бабушкину шаль. Оно тянулось вдоль забора, искрясь под солнцем от мелких дождинок.

     — Это необычный паучок! — сказала мне шестилетняя девочка-соседка. О своих животных она говорила именно так, и всех звала одинаково. И козёл у неё был Кузя, и кот Кузя, и даже неожиданно ощенившаяся собака, которую долго считали кобельком. И, конечно, мастера такой паутинки она тоже назвала Кузей, тем обозначив на него свои права.

     — А живёт Кузя под нашей крышей, — уточнила я, кивнув на свой дом.

     — Как?! — Машенька собрала губки трубочкой и захлопала ресницами.

     — Очень хорошо живёт! — словно не заметила я её обиды. — Днём спит, а ночью охотится.

     И вечером мы увидели: Кузя осторожно выбрался из-под крыши, спланировал на ниточке и устроился в паутине. Быстро и аккуратно заштопал он дырки, вытягивая ниточку из круглой «попки». Так назвала Машенька круглую спину Кузи. И вытягивание оттуда нити-паутинки настолько обрадовало и удивило её, что девочка захлопала в ладоши, запрыгала на одной ножке… И не успела заметить, как в лапы Кузи попала огромная жирная муха. Паук моментально разделался с ней, и остатки брезгливо отбросил в сторону. Отбросил и снова стал плести. Он плёл и плёл…

    Стало темнеть. Мы взяли фонарик. Свет Кузю не испугал. Но когда принесли фотокамеру, вдруг, лапки подобрал, скатался в шарик и замер. Был паук, и нет. Мы тоже замерли и решили ждать. Ждали, ждали и первыми ждать устали. Кузя нас все-таки переждал. Пришлось расстаться с ним до утра.

     А наутро дождь пошел да такой, что и носа из дома не высунешь. Шёл он два дня и две ночи. От прежней паутинки и следа не осталось, а новая не появлялась.  Когда от дождя просохла земля, мы решили, что паучок погиб. Столько дней без еды самый крепкий паучища не выживет. 

     Однако паутинка появилась вновь. Однажды утром мы увидели в ней объедки Кузиного ночного пиршества и так обрадовались, что приклеили к паутине пару зазевавшихся мошек.

      Осенью нам пришлось уехать. А весной, когда вернулись, обнаружили паутинку на прежнем месте. По-прежнему ночи напролёт Кузя плёл и плёл её. И не понятно, где и как он пережил зиму?! А может быть это уже не Кузя, а кто-нибудь из его детей?

Текст опубликован на портале «СТИХИ.РУ».  Фото автора.

 

                                                                           ЛЯГУШОНОК    

     Лягушонок прыгал вверх по отвесному шиферу.  Все выше и выше – туда, где начинался дождик. Там, где есть начало, нет конца. Ведь не бывает одновременно и то, и другое.

     «А хорошо жить под тёплым, мелким дождиком!» − наверно так думал лягушонок и очень торопился. Он даже квакнул пару раз от усердия и допрыгал до самого верха. Дождик не кончился. А здесь ли он начинался, малыш так и не понял. Сидеть же на тонкой полоске шифера было неудобно, даже больно.

     Он прыгнул вниз с огромной высоты, но не упал, а плавно спланировал на лист лопуха. А планировать − это почти, что летать. Что же случается с летающими лягушками, можно узнать из сказки Андерсена. Поскорей откройте эту сказку. Открыли? Приятного вам чтения!

Ирина Пермячка

                                                С ОДНОЙ СТОРОНЫ

     Мама заглянула в дневник и видит:  по математике у Тёмы пять.  А по русскому —  тройка.  
    — Математика —  трудный предмет,  —  похвалила она сына.  — И ты заслужил коробку конфет.  Но с другой стороны я не могу 
тебе дать,  пока не исправишь тройку.  
   Тёма ничего не ответил. 
   На следующий день он получил пять по русскому языку.  Мама достала из шкафа коробку, открыла её и очень удивилась.  
Каждая конфетка была съедена ровно до половины.  
А Тёма счастливо улыбнулся:  
   —  Теперь я съем и другую сторону.

Ирина Пермячка

                                                       ЛУЧИК

     В городском парке гулял поросёнок по кличке Лучик.  Он искал в земле корешки и букашек.  
Однажды вместо привычных червячков нашёл теннисный мячик и выкатил на дорожку.  
   — Молодец! — услышал Лучик от хозяйки и тут же получил печенье. 
 Сообразительный поросёнок прикатил ещё один, ведь гулял он возле теннисных кортов. 
   На этот раз он получил угощение от спортсменов-теннисистов:  «Придётся принянть поросёнка в нашу команду!». 
     Так Лучик стал спортсменом: как только появлялся у кортов,  все хором кричали: «Мячик! Мячик!» 
     И поросёнок обязательно его находил.

 

                                         

Ирина Пермячка

 Мы купили щенка ростом с небольшую овчарку да на морду страшноват.  
   — Что надо! — обрадовалась бабушка и поймала такси. 
 Щенка везти согласились.  Он запрыгнул на заднее сиденье и вздохнул.

                   КРОКОДИЛ

   Шофёр оглянулся и ойкнул:  
   —  Какой же это щенок. Это целый крокодил.  А на крокодилов мы не договаривались.  
   Тут наша собака как откроет свою «крокодилью» пасть,  да как гавкнет.  
Шофёр от неожиданности быстро завёл машину и быстро нас до дому довёз.  
С тех пор и живёт с нами ротвейлер по кличке Крокодил. 

                                                                                           

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